Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Randomize
