i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
