my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
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