When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
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