D3 body, D1 cock
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
