It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Randomize
