Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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