Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
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