She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
