i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
