Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
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There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
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