Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Randomize
