Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Randomize
