Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
