A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
