if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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