my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
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