hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
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