He is such a slut. More and more my type.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Randomize
