She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Randomize
