i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
