My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
