were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
