just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
