you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
