You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Randomize
