i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Randomize
