And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
