Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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