Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
