I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Randomize
