You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
