Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
