Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
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