some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
