okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
