"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
