woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
