You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize