you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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