Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Randomize
