i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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