put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
