i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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