sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
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