Ketchup is God's man juice
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
