I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
