I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
In other news, I just burned my penis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
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