Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Randomize
