it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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