Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
