i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
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