my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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