New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
