i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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