Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
