i would one night stand the shit outta him
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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