I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
We had to coat check the pizza.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
