Apparently you make a good broom.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
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