So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
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