there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
