so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
