I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Randomize
