Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
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