I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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