do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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