in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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