end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
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what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
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I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
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