I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
