You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
