No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
